It's hard to believe that I was in Charlotte for a week, it feels like it was a month. Time dragged on as my family and I went through the cliche "day by day." I talked with old friends, received countless messages from people checking in on me, and played way too many video games. Throughout the week I couldn't once think of something other than what a terrible turn this summer took, and how fast it all happened. I can't help but think about the plans that I had for my last month as a YAV, and how quickly those plans changed. Now I'm sitting in the Atlanta airport about to catch my connection to New Orleans to be there until Saturday. On Saturday I will be shutting the door of the YAV house for the last time and leaving my YAV year early. There were many things that influenced my decision of ending my YAV year early, but the primary one is also what the YAV program stressed during orientation... self-care. To take care of myself, I have to end a month early.
A lot has happened in this past week. A lot of tears, a lot of hugs, a lot of family, just a lot. Through it all I keep thinking about the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life, and that was speak at my brother's funeral. I was talking to my youth pastor about it prior to Saturday, and said how it should be one of my brother's kids or grandchildren speaking at his funeral, not me. It's not fair that it was me. I wanted to speak, I knew it would be hard, but I had to. I read a revised version of my last blog post, knowing that the version spoken by me at his funeral would have a different meaning to people than just reading it online. It had a different meaning to me, too. It showed me just how hurt I am by all of this, how strong the love of my brother is, and how much people loved Tim. I got choked up (understatement), but I tried really hard to get through it, and from what people have said, I did a good job. I wasn't looking for a good job though, I was looking for a way to get across to people our relationship as brother's. In my talk I realized how hard that is to get across, and I'm pretty sure that it's impossible, because the love between my brother and I is ever present, but not always seen. I tried to tell people about us, and as I said in the Sanctuary, I tried to make Tim proud of the Lipka Man that I was becoming.
My YAV year has been full of experiences, some I wanted to have, and others that I wish never happened. But I wouldn't trade this year for anything, this year has let me grow, given me something to be proud of, helped me to form relationships with people that I will never forget, and prepared me for my life better than any year possibly could have. I am very upset to leave New Orleans this weekend, but at the same time, I am incredibly happy of the opportunities that I have had and the people that I have met, and also the future that awaits me. When people and a city impact you this much, then it is impossible to say goodbye to both, so it isn't goodbye New Orleans, I will see you again
Peace
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