Happy Birthday

Dear Tim,

I'm not really sure how birthdays are supposed to work now. When we are on Earth we throw parties, make poor decisions, celebrate the fact that we made it another year, and deal with the fact that we are getting older. What about now, do you still get a birthday? Should we still celebrate? I know I don't feel like celebrating right now.

All these questions I have asked myself in preparation for your birthday. Mom, Dad, and I really are getting a triple hitter with your birthday, then Thanksgiving, then Christmas. I'm not sure how I should feel with your birthday being today. All the days leading up to it haven't been filled with the anticipation, shopping for presents, or making cakes. It's been filled with quite the opposite actually.

I can remember your past birthdays, well not 1-6 cause I wasn't born yet, and some of those ones in my early years are a little fuzzy. But the last 10 I'm good on. Some you were in college for, or you were in D.C., and last year we were both out of the house. Admittedly, I never did a really good job with your birthday, Tim. Mom or Dad usually got me the presents to give to you, and the cards, and someone usually had to remind me to wish you Happy Birthday. But not this year, and I'm sorry that it took me until this year. I'm sorry that it took me until now to realize the true importance of your birthday, I'm sorry that it took me this long to really want to be able to celebrate with you, to put effort into getting presents for you, to want to make you a cake (even though we know I would just go to the grocery store to get one.)

I'm not sure how it works now Tim. I've heard both sides, that you'll always be 25, and that you age alongside the rest of us just in a different place. My problem with you always being 25 is that you are my big brother. There will be a time when I turn 25 and you will still be my big brother. The way that you treated me and loved me was that of a big brother, and that is how I will always view you. I have to imagine you being older than me, you always were (and made a point of it whenever we had to clear the table.) In my heart and mind you are growing another year big brother.

I love you Tim, and I miss you so much. I'm sorry that I came up short on other birthdays, and I'm sorry that I can't celebrate with you this year. The last 19 years you got me the best birthday present ever, and that was being my brother, the best brother that I could have ever asked for. I hope being your little brother and trying my hardest to make you proud of me is the best birthday present for you as well.

Happy Birthday Tim.

Love Always,
Eric