It's hard to believe that I was in Charlotte for a week, it feels like it was a month. Time dragged on as my family and I went through the cliche "day by day." I talked with old friends, received countless messages from people checking in on me, and played way too many video games. Throughout the week I couldn't once think of something other than what a terrible turn this summer took, and how fast it all happened. I can't help but think about the plans that I had for my last month as a YAV, and how quickly those plans changed. Now I'm sitting in the Atlanta airport about to catch my connection to New Orleans to be there until Saturday. On Saturday I will be shutting the door of the YAV house for the last time and leaving my YAV year early. There were many things that influenced my decision of ending my YAV year early, but the primary one is also what the YAV program stressed during orientation... self-care. To take care of myself, I have to end a month early.
A lot has happened in this past week. A lot of tears, a lot of hugs, a lot of family, just a lot. Through it all I keep thinking about the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life, and that was speak at my brother's funeral. I was talking to my youth pastor about it prior to Saturday, and said how it should be one of my brother's kids or grandchildren speaking at his funeral, not me. It's not fair that it was me. I wanted to speak, I knew it would be hard, but I had to. I read a revised version of my last blog post, knowing that the version spoken by me at his funeral would have a different meaning to people than just reading it online. It had a different meaning to me, too. It showed me just how hurt I am by all of this, how strong the love of my brother is, and how much people loved Tim. I got choked up (understatement), but I tried really hard to get through it, and from what people have said, I did a good job. I wasn't looking for a good job though, I was looking for a way to get across to people our relationship as brother's. In my talk I realized how hard that is to get across, and I'm pretty sure that it's impossible, because the love between my brother and I is ever present, but not always seen. I tried to tell people about us, and as I said in the Sanctuary, I tried to make Tim proud of the Lipka Man that I was becoming.
My YAV year has been full of experiences, some I wanted to have, and others that I wish never happened. But I wouldn't trade this year for anything, this year has let me grow, given me something to be proud of, helped me to form relationships with people that I will never forget, and prepared me for my life better than any year possibly could have. I am very upset to leave New Orleans this weekend, but at the same time, I am incredibly happy of the opportunities that I have had and the people that I have met, and also the future that awaits me. When people and a city impact you this much, then it is impossible to say goodbye to both, so it isn't goodbye New Orleans, I will see you again
Peace
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
αδερφός
The title means "brother."
Throughout my YAV year I have used this blog to get my emotions down, not worried about what gets typed up, using this blog as I need it when I am ready to talk about whatever it is.
This morning I learned of my brother's passing. I was filled with grief and hurt and wanted to be with my family right away. My big brother. Who I played in the snow with, who I raced mario karts with, who I grew up with. Being 7 years apart we were never super close because we had completely different mind sets. A college kid doesn't always want to hang out with a middle school student if they can help it. I have fond memories of him setting his alarm to wake us both up on Christmas morning so that we can go see what was in our stockings, but we could only grab our stockings, there was an unwritten rule of a stocking grab and then we had to go to our rooms and also not wake up Mom and Dad, but of course kids our age would make a lot of noise, so our parents were just nice enough to not yell when we woke them up. Memories of playing Legend of Zelda, of watching Star Wars, of getting in arguments, we almost never physically fought. He helped me with driving, gave me advice in all departments, and went above and beyond the call of duty for a big brother.
He was planning on coming down to New Orleans next weekend, and now this. My community of friends in New Orleans and my girlfriend have been amazingly supportive, but the truth is that I am devastated. I always feel bad for people who have a tragedy like this happen, but I never know what to say to help. And now it's me and I can put on some sort of calm visage like I'm ok, but I had plans with my brother, not just for when he would come down to New Orleans, but for life, and now this.
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all rainbows and butterflies, he annoyed me often. He was hard to live up to, he didn't do stellar in high school, (my Mom will tell you that I didn't do much better), but Tim was so successful in the things that he did. He was the type of student that teachers remembered, so that years later they would still slip up and call me "Tim" instead of "Eric." His senior exit project was crazy good, while I finished my product the day before. He flourished in college and after college he transitioned seemingly flawlessly into the work force. My parent's and I have both talked with some of his friends from Washington, D.C. and they have all said what a great person he was.
One time this year when I was angry he told me that I could tell him anything, that if there was anything going on that I should text him, or email him, or call him. Just contact him and talk with him.One of the worse parts is the regret now. The fact that I have no idea where I would be able to find a picture of my brother and I. The fact that we didn't talk on the phone more. That I hadn't seen his face since Christmas. When I got to my parents tonight I was finally able to let go, to allow myself to begin the grieving process, I had too much to do this afternoon to let my mind and body function the way they should in this time, and now in the midst of my family I can.
There is a club... it's called the Lipka Men's Club. It's for my Dad, my brother, and myself. We take pictures together on Mother's day, even when we are apart from each other. We give Christmas presents as a club, we have email groups, and if I could only be part of one club for the rest of my life, then I would be damn proud to be part of the Lipka Men's Club. I can't say goodbye to my brother, it isn't whether or not I am emotionally stable enough, I just have to stick with the thought that I will see him again. So it isn't goodbye, Tim, it's see you later.
You are the best brother that I could have ever asked for, and so much more than I deserve, I am so proud of you, and I am going to work so hard for you to be proud of me too. I love you.
All for one and one for all
My brother and my friend
What fun we have
The time we share
Brothers 'til the end.
-unknown
Throughout my YAV year I have used this blog to get my emotions down, not worried about what gets typed up, using this blog as I need it when I am ready to talk about whatever it is.
This morning I learned of my brother's passing. I was filled with grief and hurt and wanted to be with my family right away. My big brother. Who I played in the snow with, who I raced mario karts with, who I grew up with. Being 7 years apart we were never super close because we had completely different mind sets. A college kid doesn't always want to hang out with a middle school student if they can help it. I have fond memories of him setting his alarm to wake us both up on Christmas morning so that we can go see what was in our stockings, but we could only grab our stockings, there was an unwritten rule of a stocking grab and then we had to go to our rooms and also not wake up Mom and Dad, but of course kids our age would make a lot of noise, so our parents were just nice enough to not yell when we woke them up. Memories of playing Legend of Zelda, of watching Star Wars, of getting in arguments, we almost never physically fought. He helped me with driving, gave me advice in all departments, and went above and beyond the call of duty for a big brother.
He was planning on coming down to New Orleans next weekend, and now this. My community of friends in New Orleans and my girlfriend have been amazingly supportive, but the truth is that I am devastated. I always feel bad for people who have a tragedy like this happen, but I never know what to say to help. And now it's me and I can put on some sort of calm visage like I'm ok, but I had plans with my brother, not just for when he would come down to New Orleans, but for life, and now this.
Don't get me wrong, it wasn't all rainbows and butterflies, he annoyed me often. He was hard to live up to, he didn't do stellar in high school, (my Mom will tell you that I didn't do much better), but Tim was so successful in the things that he did. He was the type of student that teachers remembered, so that years later they would still slip up and call me "Tim" instead of "Eric." His senior exit project was crazy good, while I finished my product the day before. He flourished in college and after college he transitioned seemingly flawlessly into the work force. My parent's and I have both talked with some of his friends from Washington, D.C. and they have all said what a great person he was.
One time this year when I was angry he told me that I could tell him anything, that if there was anything going on that I should text him, or email him, or call him. Just contact him and talk with him.One of the worse parts is the regret now. The fact that I have no idea where I would be able to find a picture of my brother and I. The fact that we didn't talk on the phone more. That I hadn't seen his face since Christmas. When I got to my parents tonight I was finally able to let go, to allow myself to begin the grieving process, I had too much to do this afternoon to let my mind and body function the way they should in this time, and now in the midst of my family I can.
There is a club... it's called the Lipka Men's Club. It's for my Dad, my brother, and myself. We take pictures together on Mother's day, even when we are apart from each other. We give Christmas presents as a club, we have email groups, and if I could only be part of one club for the rest of my life, then I would be damn proud to be part of the Lipka Men's Club. I can't say goodbye to my brother, it isn't whether or not I am emotionally stable enough, I just have to stick with the thought that I will see him again. So it isn't goodbye, Tim, it's see you later.
You are the best brother that I could have ever asked for, and so much more than I deserve, I am so proud of you, and I am going to work so hard for you to be proud of me too. I love you.
All for one and one for all
My brother and my friend
What fun we have
The time we share
Brothers 'til the end.
-unknown
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Life After YAV... and what it looks like
This past Thursday I flew home to Matthews. I stayed up late with Corey and played video games, then went and got chicken biscuits at the Arboretum a usual summer day if it was right after a school year, but it wasn't, it was a small break in my YAV year that showed me what it is going to be like when I'm out, if a YAV can ever say that they are truly out of the program. I went to Maryville on Friday, and stayed through Saturday for orientation. College orientation, I thought it was never going to happen, and it flew by in less than 6 hours.
The students for our orientation date showed up, not all fully grasping that high school was over, and that they are all going to be on a new adventure. It was strange talking to them, they mostly had conversations about high school classes, their teachers, what they have done for summer break, or what they plan to major in. I realized that I was the same way before my YAV year, that high school was all that I had experienced and that the YAV year gave me life experience. I went through the motions... had lunch with my small group, registered for classes, got my college ID. It was all starting to look like the end of one chapter and the beginning of a new one in a new place.
It's only about 7 more weeks. 7 more weeks and I will be heading home to get my things together and go to college. My classes are going to be intense. I'm a little nervous about it, but I know that if I want this bad enough, then I can do it. I am currently a Pre-Med: Biology major, who would graduate with a Bachelor of Science, potentially adding on a double major of International Studies. There were so many acronyms and numbers for the classes, I was stressing out and I'm not even going there yet. At the same time though it excites me, 17 credit hours for my first semester. Math, English Composition, New Testament Biblical Studies, Biology, Biology Lab, First Year Seminars, Band, and Choir. No classes on Thursday, Bio Lab on Tuesday, everything else on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Intensity.
I'm excited for my classes, I'm excited to make new friends, to get the skills that I need for Med School, but at the same time the transition worries me a little bit. One of the advisers talked a lot about how difficult the transition between High School and College is, I wish she had mentioned the transition between a YAV year and college, because it freaks me out a little bit. I just have to remember the green card that my site coordinator, Kathy, gave me during the spring semester of my Senior year. It was one green card amidst a New Orleans themed post card and a few books, but the card had a bible verse on it:
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'"
-Jeremiah 29: 11-13.
I have kept that little sheet of paper in my wallet since I got it, and I know that the verse will remain true as I go throughout all of the new chapters of my life, and I know that God is going to be by my side through not only my transition, but always.
7 weeks left, 7 weeks until this chapter is over and a new one begins. New Orleans... it's about to get real
Peace
The students for our orientation date showed up, not all fully grasping that high school was over, and that they are all going to be on a new adventure. It was strange talking to them, they mostly had conversations about high school classes, their teachers, what they have done for summer break, or what they plan to major in. I realized that I was the same way before my YAV year, that high school was all that I had experienced and that the YAV year gave me life experience. I went through the motions... had lunch with my small group, registered for classes, got my college ID. It was all starting to look like the end of one chapter and the beginning of a new one in a new place.
It's only about 7 more weeks. 7 more weeks and I will be heading home to get my things together and go to college. My classes are going to be intense. I'm a little nervous about it, but I know that if I want this bad enough, then I can do it. I am currently a Pre-Med: Biology major, who would graduate with a Bachelor of Science, potentially adding on a double major of International Studies. There were so many acronyms and numbers for the classes, I was stressing out and I'm not even going there yet. At the same time though it excites me, 17 credit hours for my first semester. Math, English Composition, New Testament Biblical Studies, Biology, Biology Lab, First Year Seminars, Band, and Choir. No classes on Thursday, Bio Lab on Tuesday, everything else on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Intensity.
I'm excited for my classes, I'm excited to make new friends, to get the skills that I need for Med School, but at the same time the transition worries me a little bit. One of the advisers talked a lot about how difficult the transition between High School and College is, I wish she had mentioned the transition between a YAV year and college, because it freaks me out a little bit. I just have to remember the green card that my site coordinator, Kathy, gave me during the spring semester of my Senior year. It was one green card amidst a New Orleans themed post card and a few books, but the card had a bible verse on it:
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'"
-Jeremiah 29: 11-13.
I have kept that little sheet of paper in my wallet since I got it, and I know that the verse will remain true as I go throughout all of the new chapters of my life, and I know that God is going to be by my side through not only my transition, but always.
7 weeks left, 7 weeks until this chapter is over and a new one begins. New Orleans... it's about to get real
Peace
Friday, April 20, 2012
Dèyè Mòn Gen Mòn
I was reading through Tracy Kidder's book, Mountains Beyond Mountains, about Dr. Paul Farmer. Dr. Farmer specializes in Infectious Diseases, HIV, Tuberculosis, etc. However, Dr. Farmer spent most of his medical career between Boston and Haiti, prior to the earthquake. Within the first few pages of the book a phrase popped up, "Dèyè Mòn Gen Mòn." The phrase is a Haitian proverb, meaning "behind mountains there are mountains." The proverb is described in greater detail with the meaning "once you solve one problem, you will have another."
I had a lot of mountains this week, I had a lot of problems. I was struggling throughout the week since Tuesday, and then the events that conspired yesterday ending in a volunteer injury made it all a lot worse. I believe that I am in New Orleans for a reason. That I am meant to discern parts of my life, find out who I am as a person, make life-long friends, pick up new skills, and mature in my personality and my faith. I also believe that through it all God is trying to piece together a overall message for me that is the combination of smaller messages. Messages like things in this life aren't always going to go as planned, I don't have to be perfect, I can do whatever I set my mind on. The message for this week though was one that I wasn't ready for come Monday. It started with a volunteer who disliked a judgement call that I had made and decided to leave my site and work on another one. Then yesterday one of my other volunteers fell off a exterior staircase, landed on an air compressor, and broke her hip. I tried to keep my cool on the work site while the rest of my volunteers were on site, and I did a good job, but then on my way home lost it a little bit and started to really beat my self up. I felt like it was my fault. I hadn't put a hand rail on the stair case, I wasn't told to, but I knew that I should have. I couldn't get the ordeal out of my mind, and thought about it all night and well into the morning. I thought about it and was beating myself up over it and then while I was on one of the other work sites getting volunteers the supplies they need, one of the team leaders came up to me. He had heard that I was upset over everything (apparently news travels fast) and he wanted to reassure me that she was ok, that she wasn't mad about the whole thing, and that she didn't blame me. It took every part of me to not break down and give that man a hug, because I had been so distraught over everything that had happened, and then he told me that everything was ok, that accidents happen, that it wasn't my fault. It was in that moment that I received the most recent message, that accidents are going to happen, but that I can't blame myself for them, because when I start blaming myself that's when I start to get upset with myself.
The whole day I was reminded of a certain episode of Scrubs. (Spoiler alert, if you don't want to know what happens in this episode, don't read this part.) The episode is in the 5th season, and involves Dr. Cox rushing to save three hospital patients who need organ transplants to stay alive. He gets a donor who had recently died, and puts her organs into the patients. The patients get better, and then quickly become worse. Dr. Cox then finds out that the woman who had died, died of rabies, so all of the organs were infected too. The three patients passed away, and Dr. Cox was left with a lot of guilt. There is a moment where J.D. relates with Dr. Cox, telling him something that Dr. Cox had told him a few episodes ago, that "once you start blaming yourself for other people's deaths, there's no going back." Obviously a little more of an intense situation, however I kept thinking of the episode, I kept thinking about how I can't blame myself for every injury that happens on my site, because when I do it drives me crazy. This is another one of those messages that, like when my dog and band director passed away this year, was a hard pill to swallow.
In other, happier news. The house that I am currently working on, on Louisa Street in the Upper 9th Ward is close to completion. It is starting to look amazing and it is all thanks to some amazing groups. It is crazy to me how far people will come to help out, all across the country and internationally.
The other thing that I have to talk about is how thankful I am. How thankful I am for the people in my life who will talk me through all of these trials in my life, who can calm me down, get my head on straight, and ease my thoughts when I feel like I've been emotionally slapped around.
In conclusion, I've had a long week, there will be longer weeks I'm sure, weeks that will make me forget about this one. However, for right now I've gotten over this mountain of a week, and I can look back down the mountain and see that I got over it, and even though there will be more, I know that I'll be able to get over those too.
I only have till August, then my YAV year is over. What a scary thing to think about. The year may be over soon, but the events and people will never leave me.
Peace
I had a lot of mountains this week, I had a lot of problems. I was struggling throughout the week since Tuesday, and then the events that conspired yesterday ending in a volunteer injury made it all a lot worse. I believe that I am in New Orleans for a reason. That I am meant to discern parts of my life, find out who I am as a person, make life-long friends, pick up new skills, and mature in my personality and my faith. I also believe that through it all God is trying to piece together a overall message for me that is the combination of smaller messages. Messages like things in this life aren't always going to go as planned, I don't have to be perfect, I can do whatever I set my mind on. The message for this week though was one that I wasn't ready for come Monday. It started with a volunteer who disliked a judgement call that I had made and decided to leave my site and work on another one. Then yesterday one of my other volunteers fell off a exterior staircase, landed on an air compressor, and broke her hip. I tried to keep my cool on the work site while the rest of my volunteers were on site, and I did a good job, but then on my way home lost it a little bit and started to really beat my self up. I felt like it was my fault. I hadn't put a hand rail on the stair case, I wasn't told to, but I knew that I should have. I couldn't get the ordeal out of my mind, and thought about it all night and well into the morning. I thought about it and was beating myself up over it and then while I was on one of the other work sites getting volunteers the supplies they need, one of the team leaders came up to me. He had heard that I was upset over everything (apparently news travels fast) and he wanted to reassure me that she was ok, that she wasn't mad about the whole thing, and that she didn't blame me. It took every part of me to not break down and give that man a hug, because I had been so distraught over everything that had happened, and then he told me that everything was ok, that accidents happen, that it wasn't my fault. It was in that moment that I received the most recent message, that accidents are going to happen, but that I can't blame myself for them, because when I start blaming myself that's when I start to get upset with myself.
The whole day I was reminded of a certain episode of Scrubs. (Spoiler alert, if you don't want to know what happens in this episode, don't read this part.) The episode is in the 5th season, and involves Dr. Cox rushing to save three hospital patients who need organ transplants to stay alive. He gets a donor who had recently died, and puts her organs into the patients. The patients get better, and then quickly become worse. Dr. Cox then finds out that the woman who had died, died of rabies, so all of the organs were infected too. The three patients passed away, and Dr. Cox was left with a lot of guilt. There is a moment where J.D. relates with Dr. Cox, telling him something that Dr. Cox had told him a few episodes ago, that "once you start blaming yourself for other people's deaths, there's no going back." Obviously a little more of an intense situation, however I kept thinking of the episode, I kept thinking about how I can't blame myself for every injury that happens on my site, because when I do it drives me crazy. This is another one of those messages that, like when my dog and band director passed away this year, was a hard pill to swallow.
In other, happier news. The house that I am currently working on, on Louisa Street in the Upper 9th Ward is close to completion. It is starting to look amazing and it is all thanks to some amazing groups. It is crazy to me how far people will come to help out, all across the country and internationally.
The other thing that I have to talk about is how thankful I am. How thankful I am for the people in my life who will talk me through all of these trials in my life, who can calm me down, get my head on straight, and ease my thoughts when I feel like I've been emotionally slapped around.
In conclusion, I've had a long week, there will be longer weeks I'm sure, weeks that will make me forget about this one. However, for right now I've gotten over this mountain of a week, and I can look back down the mountain and see that I got over it, and even though there will be more, I know that I'll be able to get over those too.
I only have till August, then my YAV year is over. What a scary thing to think about. The year may be over soon, but the events and people will never leave me.
Peace
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Life Happens
Its been a long time for those of you who keep up with my blog. I had a bunch of drafts and decided to just compile them together and get a post out there.
The title of this blog post was part of a sermon that J Herbert Nelson gave during Montreat College Conference. This segment was among others that produced a pill that was rather hard to swallow. The idea that God didn't cause your family member to die was a strange and powerful concept.
Being home for the holidays was a strange time. While it was good to be home, celebrate Christmas and see my friends, my family also went through the loss of a loved one. Our dog Boo was put to sleep while I was home after the cancer in his chest that we didn't know about had spread, causing his heart to fill up with fluid and not circulate blood properly. What a way to end my holiday break. I was supposed to fly home to New Orleans on Friday, but after Boo was put to sleep I couldn't get myself together enough to leave. In a way it was good, I got to see two of my best friends some more and talk with them about it. Mostly talk about how angry and upset I was. I went through that weekend upset at the loss of my dog, and mad at God about why He decided to take Boo right after Christmas.
I went to Montreat still kinda bummed about my dog, but while I was there, a few things started happening. The first was being in a house with a group of college kids from Baton Rouge who were great friends to me. Second was a lunch appointment that I had with an excellent friend and mentor, Adlai Boyd. Adlai had suggested Maryville College to me and even got the wheels turning during the application process. I told him about the issues that I had been having and he understood my grieving but also gave me the advice that was incredibly helpful. He said that it was okay and necessary to grieve, but that he believes that God didn't cause my dog to die, that my dog just died. It was interesting because as I said earlier, J Herbert Nelson's sermon later in the conference was similar. That if you live long enough you will get sick, if you live long enough you will die, and if you live long enough you will get sick and die.
I left Montreat feeling better about everything that happened. After a long trip back to New Orleans involving a tire change on the side of the interstate I got back to my "regular life." It was almost difficult going back, I'm so used to summers after high school where I spend some time at home then go to Montreat then go back home, but it was different this time. January brought the completion of my first home and the realization that my YAV year in New Orleans is on it's second half.
The feeling of my year didn't truly sink in though until I started to receive emails about going to Maryville College for scholarship interviews. It felt like I had just turned in my applications for my scholarships, and now I had to get ready to go interview for them.
My interviews were today actually, and I felt confident about how I did. My choral audition was first, the director thought that I had a pretty voice after I sang "Loch Lomond" for her. She told me that the piece that I sang was an interesting choice because her two choruses are going to Scotland in the Spring and will be singing that piece. Next was my Instrumental Scholarship audition, the band directors seemed to really like me. They thought I had a great sound, that I was very agile on my instrument, and that they could definitely use my skills in their groups. The band directors told me that they would suggest a substantial scholarship for me.
After lunch with my Mom, I returned to the college to interview for my two other scholarships, the Church and College Scholarship and the Bonner Scholarship. My interview for Church and College was first. That scholarship requires me to have 3 hours of service a week logged at one of the Presbyterian Churches in the area. The Reverend who I was interviewing with asked me some tough questions. Things like "What would you, as a young adult, want to tell the church about college aged people and young adults." Her questions were pretty difficult but I tried to answer them to the best of my ability.
Next up was the scholarship that I was really nervous about. It had 65 applicants, that got narrowed down to 30 people interviewing, and then only 15 get the scholarship. The Bonner Scholarship gives you a stipend every month after you turn in your time sheet that shows that you logged 40 hours of service a month. The scholarship also allows you to take two summers working for a non profit organization, both of which could be abroad. Needless to say I want this scholarship... like with a burning passion. When I went in though the guy couldn't find my application, but then said "Oh, here it is, underneath all the others with a big 'yes' on it." No idea what that meant, but fingers crossed.
I felt much more comfortable in the Bonner interview, being asked questions like what qualities makes me a good leader, what would my family say is a bad quality of mine, and what is the hardest part about community service. All were things that I could easily relate to my YAV year.
So now as I sit at my home in Charlotte, NC anxiously waiting to hear about the Bonner Scholarship and also excited to get back to New Orleans, I realize once again the importance of J Herbert Nelson's sermon. That life happens. That in this life there will be troubles, trials, and tribulations, but the important thing is that we face the troubles with the Lord by our side. So tomorrow I will board that plan not knowing what the next 5 months will bring, but I will know that life will go on and that I will never walk the path alone.
The title of this blog post was part of a sermon that J Herbert Nelson gave during Montreat College Conference. This segment was among others that produced a pill that was rather hard to swallow. The idea that God didn't cause your family member to die was a strange and powerful concept.
Being home for the holidays was a strange time. While it was good to be home, celebrate Christmas and see my friends, my family also went through the loss of a loved one. Our dog Boo was put to sleep while I was home after the cancer in his chest that we didn't know about had spread, causing his heart to fill up with fluid and not circulate blood properly. What a way to end my holiday break. I was supposed to fly home to New Orleans on Friday, but after Boo was put to sleep I couldn't get myself together enough to leave. In a way it was good, I got to see two of my best friends some more and talk with them about it. Mostly talk about how angry and upset I was. I went through that weekend upset at the loss of my dog, and mad at God about why He decided to take Boo right after Christmas.
I went to Montreat still kinda bummed about my dog, but while I was there, a few things started happening. The first was being in a house with a group of college kids from Baton Rouge who were great friends to me. Second was a lunch appointment that I had with an excellent friend and mentor, Adlai Boyd. Adlai had suggested Maryville College to me and even got the wheels turning during the application process. I told him about the issues that I had been having and he understood my grieving but also gave me the advice that was incredibly helpful. He said that it was okay and necessary to grieve, but that he believes that God didn't cause my dog to die, that my dog just died. It was interesting because as I said earlier, J Herbert Nelson's sermon later in the conference was similar. That if you live long enough you will get sick, if you live long enough you will die, and if you live long enough you will get sick and die.
I left Montreat feeling better about everything that happened. After a long trip back to New Orleans involving a tire change on the side of the interstate I got back to my "regular life." It was almost difficult going back, I'm so used to summers after high school where I spend some time at home then go to Montreat then go back home, but it was different this time. January brought the completion of my first home and the realization that my YAV year in New Orleans is on it's second half.
The feeling of my year didn't truly sink in though until I started to receive emails about going to Maryville College for scholarship interviews. It felt like I had just turned in my applications for my scholarships, and now I had to get ready to go interview for them.
My interviews were today actually, and I felt confident about how I did. My choral audition was first, the director thought that I had a pretty voice after I sang "Loch Lomond" for her. She told me that the piece that I sang was an interesting choice because her two choruses are going to Scotland in the Spring and will be singing that piece. Next was my Instrumental Scholarship audition, the band directors seemed to really like me. They thought I had a great sound, that I was very agile on my instrument, and that they could definitely use my skills in their groups. The band directors told me that they would suggest a substantial scholarship for me.
After lunch with my Mom, I returned to the college to interview for my two other scholarships, the Church and College Scholarship and the Bonner Scholarship. My interview for Church and College was first. That scholarship requires me to have 3 hours of service a week logged at one of the Presbyterian Churches in the area. The Reverend who I was interviewing with asked me some tough questions. Things like "What would you, as a young adult, want to tell the church about college aged people and young adults." Her questions were pretty difficult but I tried to answer them to the best of my ability.
Next up was the scholarship that I was really nervous about. It had 65 applicants, that got narrowed down to 30 people interviewing, and then only 15 get the scholarship. The Bonner Scholarship gives you a stipend every month after you turn in your time sheet that shows that you logged 40 hours of service a month. The scholarship also allows you to take two summers working for a non profit organization, both of which could be abroad. Needless to say I want this scholarship... like with a burning passion. When I went in though the guy couldn't find my application, but then said "Oh, here it is, underneath all the others with a big 'yes' on it." No idea what that meant, but fingers crossed.
I felt much more comfortable in the Bonner interview, being asked questions like what qualities makes me a good leader, what would my family say is a bad quality of mine, and what is the hardest part about community service. All were things that I could easily relate to my YAV year.
So now as I sit at my home in Charlotte, NC anxiously waiting to hear about the Bonner Scholarship and also excited to get back to New Orleans, I realize once again the importance of J Herbert Nelson's sermon. That life happens. That in this life there will be troubles, trials, and tribulations, but the important thing is that we face the troubles with the Lord by our side. So tomorrow I will board that plan not knowing what the next 5 months will bring, but I will know that life will go on and that I will never walk the path alone.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Gains and Losses
This may or may not be a short post, I'm trying to sort through some recent thoughts that I've been having.
First off though... let's catch up. I'm doing well, going home for Thanksgiving was one of the best things that I could've done. Not because I was terribly homesick, but just because I needed it emotionally. The night before I left, on the 22nd of November, I was mugged a few blocks away from our house after getting some wendys. It all took place around 6 pm. There were two guys who had a knife, which was a scary thing when it happened but now is almost humorous. The reason it is kinda funny is because when I left the YAV house, I left with just my keys and credit card in my waist band. When the people mugged me they asked for all of my money, I left my wallet at home so I had no cash and I didn't mention my credit card. They then asked for my phone, however I had left my phone at the YAV house so that it could charge. Finally they asked for my car keys, but as you know from my previous post, my car had been totaled. So the muggers were quite disgusted and after patting me down, one of them hit me in the stomach and they both ran off. Again, it was scary at the time, but kinda funny now.
So like I said, it was good being home after that experience. I drove back down with my Mom and my F 150 and also a sousaphone in the back of the truck (gotta start practicing for Maryville.)
The construction on Pauger is going great. We have a group of college aged people this week which is nice. All of the work is a bunch of finish stuff, base board, window trim, caulk and spackle... things like that.
So one of the things that I had been tossing around in my head was the thought of what I left coming down here. I left my dog, my family, great friends, an awesome bible study group, and the chance to further my education. These were all ME things though... relationships and plans in my life that I thought I needed, but they weren't God's. God put those people in my life when I needed them at that time, and going through high school I had the "5 year plan" but as my roomates said tonight, "do you want to make God laugh? Then make plans." And it's true, we can make as many plans as we want, but we don't know what will happen. If you told me at the beginning of high school that I wasn't going to go to college and instead I was going to work construction for a year with below minimal wage and live in a intentional christian community with 8 other people I would've laughed in your face. And that's because I had made my own plans. Our site coordinator, Kathy, had made the comment tonight that God will put interruptions into our plans, and for New Orleans that interruption was Hurricane Katrina. I used to think "how could God be in a natural disaster, why would he send that onto us?" I'm still trying to decipher it, but Kathy had said that before the Hurricane her plan was completely different, so maybe the storm was God's way of putting people back on the right track, don't quote me on that because I'm still thinking through it.
That last paragraph wasn't meant to be a "debbie downer" passage saying that I wish I could change my choice, because I have switched my perspective recently from what I left and lost to what I have gained. I have gained a whole new set of friends who share my passion for helping others in any way possible. I have gained a new perspective in life, I have grown as a person, gotten to really experience the world and see what it's like to not be sheltered like I was in Charlotte. I have gained significant life and leadership experience as well as new skills that I wouldn't have gotten the chance to experience just by going to college.
The thing that I like about the college that I will be going to though is how service driven it is. I think that God really had a hand in my college choice and my after high school choice too. That's why I didn't take the SAT till June 4th of my senior year, why I didn't go on a single college visit until after I graduated high school, and why I didn't have a idea about a really good college until I talked to a friend of my youth pastor who is a maryville college alumni. God had and has a plan for me through all of it, I'm just along for the ride.
This year has been one of the more difficult times of my life, but it has also been the most rewarding. God planned this year for me, and He knew that I would be leaving some things behind, but as we also learned from tonight's review of our book, God sometimes calls us to dissolve our Fellowship and Community relationships for the betterment and progress of both. My North Carolina friends are still my friends, I'm just adding some New Orleans friends to the mix. I called this a gap year, but I think the YAV motto applies better, for it truly is a year of service for a lifetime of change.
-eric
ps hope the holiday season is going well for everyone, I'll be home on the 22nd!
First off though... let's catch up. I'm doing well, going home for Thanksgiving was one of the best things that I could've done. Not because I was terribly homesick, but just because I needed it emotionally. The night before I left, on the 22nd of November, I was mugged a few blocks away from our house after getting some wendys. It all took place around 6 pm. There were two guys who had a knife, which was a scary thing when it happened but now is almost humorous. The reason it is kinda funny is because when I left the YAV house, I left with just my keys and credit card in my waist band. When the people mugged me they asked for all of my money, I left my wallet at home so I had no cash and I didn't mention my credit card. They then asked for my phone, however I had left my phone at the YAV house so that it could charge. Finally they asked for my car keys, but as you know from my previous post, my car had been totaled. So the muggers were quite disgusted and after patting me down, one of them hit me in the stomach and they both ran off. Again, it was scary at the time, but kinda funny now.
So like I said, it was good being home after that experience. I drove back down with my Mom and my F 150 and also a sousaphone in the back of the truck (gotta start practicing for Maryville.)
The construction on Pauger is going great. We have a group of college aged people this week which is nice. All of the work is a bunch of finish stuff, base board, window trim, caulk and spackle... things like that.
So one of the things that I had been tossing around in my head was the thought of what I left coming down here. I left my dog, my family, great friends, an awesome bible study group, and the chance to further my education. These were all ME things though... relationships and plans in my life that I thought I needed, but they weren't God's. God put those people in my life when I needed them at that time, and going through high school I had the "5 year plan" but as my roomates said tonight, "do you want to make God laugh? Then make plans." And it's true, we can make as many plans as we want, but we don't know what will happen. If you told me at the beginning of high school that I wasn't going to go to college and instead I was going to work construction for a year with below minimal wage and live in a intentional christian community with 8 other people I would've laughed in your face. And that's because I had made my own plans. Our site coordinator, Kathy, had made the comment tonight that God will put interruptions into our plans, and for New Orleans that interruption was Hurricane Katrina. I used to think "how could God be in a natural disaster, why would he send that onto us?" I'm still trying to decipher it, but Kathy had said that before the Hurricane her plan was completely different, so maybe the storm was God's way of putting people back on the right track, don't quote me on that because I'm still thinking through it.
That last paragraph wasn't meant to be a "debbie downer" passage saying that I wish I could change my choice, because I have switched my perspective recently from what I left and lost to what I have gained. I have gained a whole new set of friends who share my passion for helping others in any way possible. I have gained a new perspective in life, I have grown as a person, gotten to really experience the world and see what it's like to not be sheltered like I was in Charlotte. I have gained significant life and leadership experience as well as new skills that I wouldn't have gotten the chance to experience just by going to college.
The thing that I like about the college that I will be going to though is how service driven it is. I think that God really had a hand in my college choice and my after high school choice too. That's why I didn't take the SAT till June 4th of my senior year, why I didn't go on a single college visit until after I graduated high school, and why I didn't have a idea about a really good college until I talked to a friend of my youth pastor who is a maryville college alumni. God had and has a plan for me through all of it, I'm just along for the ride.
This year has been one of the more difficult times of my life, but it has also been the most rewarding. God planned this year for me, and He knew that I would be leaving some things behind, but as we also learned from tonight's review of our book, God sometimes calls us to dissolve our Fellowship and Community relationships for the betterment and progress of both. My North Carolina friends are still my friends, I'm just adding some New Orleans friends to the mix. I called this a gap year, but I think the YAV motto applies better, for it truly is a year of service for a lifetime of change.
-eric
ps hope the holiday season is going well for everyone, I'll be home on the 22nd!
Friday, October 28, 2011
Reaching Out For a Hand
Hey everyone, I know it has been awhile since my last post, but a lot has been going on all at once. So the house that I have been working on is on Pauger Street which is in the Gentilly area of New Orleans. My homeowner, Ms. Z (short for Zanzer), says the water was up to about 5 or 6 feet and that CNN actually showed it on tv. I can't imagine the feeling that you would get by seeing your house surrounded by water. Ms. Z evacuated to Texas near Houston when the hurricane was coming through. Her house has been.... interesting to work on. Everything from break-ins to a slightly inebriated woman coming in the house and peeing in my linen closet. Pauger has seen kittens and crime, new volunteers and old ones reminiscing about to go to a new house, and Pauger has seen what a group of volunteers and a work site manager can do.
On a different note from work, I have something else that I've been meaning to blog about, but I guess I have been thinking of the right way to put it. I went through YAV orientation hearing people talk about going to their sites thinking they were going to be the perfect YAV, and hearing others talk about conflict, troubles, and the trials that we would face during our year. I heard all of that, but I ignored it, I came and thought I was going to be the super YAV... mascot of the YAV program, the one people were going to remember, my face on cereal boxes and coffee mugs, and it would be like the Disney Hercules movie where Hercules had action figures and sandals made after him. Yeah... that was going to be me. But then God threw a wrench into that plan and made me do the one thing that I am worse at, asking for help.
When I say God threw a wrench, I really mean he put a pick-up truck in front of me that had a trailer ball. It sheared off part of my brush guard and sent the rest into my hood. The truck and car in front of it were fine, but I was sitting on the interstate with a seriously messed up car and no idea what to do. I came down here thinking I was going to be super YAV... at that time I just felt like a kid who didn't know what to do, trying to act like an adult and take care of something. Thankfully my boss Phil was driving the other way down the interstate when it happened, so he showed up soon after the other people had left and helped me to get to the gas station that was right off the exit ramp. There I waited for a flat bed to take me to the body shop. That was the longest 50 minutes of my life. It was my first week with volunteers by myself, and it was also the first day. Phil went to go tell them and I was by myself waiting for this flat bed. I tried calling my mom and my brother and then ended up calling my youth pastor Hansen, I figured that he could help to calm my nerves and help me think clearer, which he did do. So after I hung up with Hansen, I took his advice to get something to drink, and when I came back I saw the only humor in the situation which was the sign that I was parked under "loiterers" will be towed, I thought, "I actually do need to be towed, so maybe I should loiter under this for awhile..." I talked with my brother and then my Mom and Dad, and also the geico people multiple times while trying to wait for the flat bed.
The guy finally came and I told him to take me to Kehoe automotive, he had no idea how to get there, which was amazingly useful (sarcasm), but thanks to smartphones, we eventually got there. I walked in with my piece of brush guard that had broken off, and the first thing the people say is "we don't do body work..." again amazingly useful (again... sarcasm). So I have to continue my ride in the flat bed to LJ's Body Shop, the guy didn't know how to get there either... I won't even say it because we all know it would be sarcastic.
Long story short, we get to LJ's and the next day I find out that my car was totaled. At that point I realized what exactly God was about to make me do. I had to start asking for help. I quickly realized how amazing the people in my life are (that is not sarcasm). I found out that my friends are more than just the people that I laugh and watch football with, they are people who would go out of their way to take me places just because I ask. These are the trials that YAV orientation was talking about. I'm a person who literally never asks for help, I've always been the person who is helping, and even if I do need help, I don't ask because I don't want to bother anyone. But I quickly figured out that that wasn't going to fly anymore and that I would need to be on the other side of things and that I would have to ask for help. I thought I was coming to New Orleans to help the people down here but I have found out that I am being helped just as much.
I can't thank the friends that I have enough, and I can't believe that there are people like them who care this much, but there are, and it has really made me realize that everyone at some point has to reach out for a hand.
On a different note from work, I have something else that I've been meaning to blog about, but I guess I have been thinking of the right way to put it. I went through YAV orientation hearing people talk about going to their sites thinking they were going to be the perfect YAV, and hearing others talk about conflict, troubles, and the trials that we would face during our year. I heard all of that, but I ignored it, I came and thought I was going to be the super YAV... mascot of the YAV program, the one people were going to remember, my face on cereal boxes and coffee mugs, and it would be like the Disney Hercules movie where Hercules had action figures and sandals made after him. Yeah... that was going to be me. But then God threw a wrench into that plan and made me do the one thing that I am worse at, asking for help.
The guy finally came and I told him to take me to Kehoe automotive, he had no idea how to get there, which was amazingly useful (sarcasm), but thanks to smartphones, we eventually got there. I walked in with my piece of brush guard that had broken off, and the first thing the people say is "we don't do body work..." again amazingly useful (again... sarcasm). So I have to continue my ride in the flat bed to LJ's Body Shop, the guy didn't know how to get there either... I won't even say it because we all know it would be sarcastic.
Long story short, we get to LJ's and the next day I find out that my car was totaled. At that point I realized what exactly God was about to make me do. I had to start asking for help. I quickly realized how amazing the people in my life are (that is not sarcasm). I found out that my friends are more than just the people that I laugh and watch football with, they are people who would go out of their way to take me places just because I ask. These are the trials that YAV orientation was talking about. I'm a person who literally never asks for help, I've always been the person who is helping, and even if I do need help, I don't ask because I don't want to bother anyone. But I quickly figured out that that wasn't going to fly anymore and that I would need to be on the other side of things and that I would have to ask for help. I thought I was coming to New Orleans to help the people down here but I have found out that I am being helped just as much.
I can't thank the friends that I have enough, and I can't believe that there are people like them who care this much, but there are, and it has really made me realize that everyone at some point has to reach out for a hand.
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